right...

so this is the joke...


... you really have to be out of my league.

ouch.

better than thou

To JRA... fine. Keep telling yourself that you are better than I am, that you are higher. And that you don't have to reply to my messages - because you think that I'm beneath you. Knock yourself out. The way I see it, your shoulders are going to tire on supporting a head that's bigger than they can handle. Goodluck with that attitude.

freakin' hot, still

raining in June

still it's hot

freakin' city of concrete...

can't sleep well at night without airconditioning.

and I thought summer is over.

the plan

I was planning on continuing with the sorting of my documents, a.k.a. accumulated pile of garbage, tonight. That's the reason I left work today on the dot. But lo and behold, I turned on the TV and watched for a couple of hours, and then now I am stuck in front of the computer updating my Facebook account, and this blog. Way to go, self!

I now highly doubt that I'd be done with the sorting tonight. I even have to shred the unwanted papers tomorrow.

Lots of work in store, Ize. Lots of work in store. (Okay now, get your butt off the chair and start working!)

weekend activities

My brother and his family will be coming here in Manila for a month-long visit. Their arrival date is on the 10th (Thursday of this coming week), so the household help and I are doing general cleaning here in my apartment.


Yesterday, I cleaned the bathroom. I scrubbed everything, from the tiles to the toilet bowl. I noticed the the floor grout has been worn out, so I'm thinking of replacing it. Still, I'm figuring out how I am going to do that (it would be my first time to do such a thing), or if I'm going to do it at all. If I do, and if my father sees it, it's either I'd get a praise (if it turns out good) or a good scolding.


Anyway, today, I'm cleaning up my room - which I will have to evict, for my brother and his family to occupy. I give way for them since my nephew is used to the cold weather in Illinois, and my room is the only airconditioned room in the house. It's also good that the rainy days have arrived, that I wouldn't have to suffer from the scorching temperatures while only making do with an electric fan.


I'm thinking of where I'm going to put all my garbage (aka accumulated stuff that I'm not sure if I really need to have around).


And just like any other clean-up day, I have my stereo turned up with funky music playing the whole time. Nothing's more motivating for a physical activity than funky music. :)

frequent flyer

I just booked my second flight out of the country today. Cebu Pacific announced airfare sale for trips to and from Hong Kong. I booked a trip to HK with four friends from August 21 to 23. :)

I wasn't expecting to book anything these days since yesterday's thoughts. Looking back at my March 14 post, I was looking at this HK trip as an "extra" trip, since I was really planning on going to Singapore this July. Anyway, those unplanned trips really push through. These travel buddies of mine, we were initially aiming for a trip to Singapore this July, but the airfare isn't a match for our budget, so...

Hong Kong, here we come! :) I hope we have a good time there, just as the way we had in South Korea. :)

flight plans

I have been looking at airfare deals lately. Together with a bunch of friends, I'm considering going to Singapore or Macau this July or August. There was a sale of tickets to Macau by Cebu Pacific, and to Singapore by PAL, during the weekend, but strangely I didn't have enough enthusiasm to book a flight. Maybe I'm too excited for the arrival of my brother and his family to the country next week. I miss them so much, I haven't seen them for two years.

Anyway, the plan of going back to South Korea on October looks bleak because of the northern half throwing temper tantrums. I hope the situation doesn't go worse. It would be a waste of life and resources for stupid politics. I don't know about the North, but the South is too beautiful to be damaged due to conflict. I long to visit Seoul and Busan again.

ain't it hot?

It's June in an hour, but the Summer heat has not yet relented. We have experienced heavy rains last Friday, and some rain this afternoon, but it was as if those were just temporary relief from the torture of El Nino.

And in an unpleasant coincidence, my air-conditioner has not been working properly. All it could give was medium cool - I'm suspecting a problem with its compressor, but what can I say? The aircon's 8 years old.

Can't take it anymore.

When is this hot ordeal going to end? Argh!

habeedee self!

hayss. 31 na ako! :)

hottah!

Something must have triggered my sumpong. I can't really identify the specific culprit, but I highly suspect that it's an effect of my monthly menopause-inducing medication.

It started when I was preparing to go to church, and I was deciding if I would take our household help with me (who has been going to church with me since I resumed this my religious obligation) or not. Suddenly, I couldn't think of bearing her company. I know it's unfair, she hasn't done anything wrong. Or maybe I'm starting not to appreciate her presence because when she's around she just sits or stands there and says nothing at all until I talk to her. When I go silent, she goes silent too.

But I couldn't consider that as a trigger to my ill temper today.

Later while at the church grounds, walking towards the door, I noticed all the palaspas vendors blocking the way of the church-goers. Some parishioners even stop on their tracks to buy the weaved palm leaves, which cause even more slow-down on the flow of people going to the church. One middle-aged female vendor blocked my way in a swoop with a palaspas she's selling. I was instantly annoyed as the leaves would have hit my face had I not slowed down. I gestured that I wasn't interested, and I think I had frowned at the woman. I know I've lost grasp at the essence of the season because of the way I acted, but the scene on the church ground at that moment hardly showed "Holy" nor respect. Behind the sight of the sea of palaspas, I saw trade - the exchange of goods for money - and the sellers do not care where they make the transactions.

And then I saw people bunched at the front door of the church. I opted that we go for the side doors and I was right - there were not much crowd there. We were able to get inside the church, no sweat. But inside there were hardly any vacant seats. And the people that were seated, sat in a spaced manner that one would not consider squeezing into those spaces. (Pinoys have huge personal space.) We decided to stand on the sides until the end of the mass.

At first I was absolutely fine. Until more and more people trickled in. With my hot flashes, I barely stopped fanning. And then there were too many people around me that the effect of fanning has diminished. I feel guilty about not being able to properly pray. Every now and then, distractions pop out in front of me that makes my mind wander. And then with little space to move due to the crowd around me, my claustrophobia started to kick in. I was starting to feel like screaming in my head.

I decided that we get out of the church immediately after the blessing. Just as the people were raising and shuffling the palaspas in the air, we were on our way out.

At the street, it was sooo hot as the sun was directly shining at us. Jeepneys lined the lanes, making it impossible for other vehicles to pass through. I was already feeling bad from the heat when I spotted a taxi. I hailed it and told my companion to get on board. Once inside the taxi, I felt relief from the heat due to the air-conditioning. But then, something else made me even more sick - it smelled like rotten, thawed fish inside the cab. I wanted to barf but held it. After a few minutes I asked the cabbie to pull over, feigning having to buy something at a shop along the way, paid the fare, and got off with my companion. We hailed another taxi.

We headed to the mall, which is a bad decision. While half of the city's populace were in churches, the other half were in malls. Too many people undergoing retail therapy. And the crowd is maddening. Some people just stop on their tracks, insensitive of those behind them. And then, while I'm about to check out a merchandise on a rack, someone gets in the way... and stays there. (Hmp!)

It felt like my head's going to expand, so I decided to buy take out food and go home.

Home. I locked myself in my room. Felt the ire filling my head. I screamed a soundless one. And then I cried.

Feels a bit better now.

severely itchy feet

SG on July

Barely a week after arriving from Korea and I'm planning another out-of-the-country trip with my friends. This time it's the (mer)lion city of Singapore.

We're planning to have our visit on July - the end of the Great Sale. But aside from shopping, our - of course - agenda is to see the attractions of the city and immerse in the culture as much as we possibly can. And one way to do that is have a food trip. Apparently (and luckily), food sits in the center of Singaporean culture.

I'm excited at the thought of seeing another foreign land, but this doesn't match what I felt when I was about to go to Korea. Maybe it is because of the effect of Hallyu, or because the landscape is so different from what we have.

Cebu (or Palawan) on June

My brother and his family will be having their vaykay from the States on June, and they plan to take the family to Cebu for a few days. However, I will try to persuade my brother to spend our vaykay in Palawan instead. I'd love to see the subterranean river and the powder-dust like sands of Honda Bay.

Macau/Hong Kong in August

If I could squeeze this trip in, I would! Really!

South Korea in October

Yahoo! I hope this pushes through. It would be my first autumn. :)

withdrawal symptoms

this is the difficult part after touring South Korea... the withdrawal symptoms!

It's not just that I'm afflicted with wanderlust, but I fell in love with the cities of Seoul and Busan. A week after I've come back from my travel (with friends) to the "sparkling" land, I still have images of these two cities flashing in my head. And at night, I still dream of being there. On my waking hours I still could smell the food, feel the biting cold in my skin, and hear the incomprehensible chattering of foreign tongues. I miss South Korea!

I am also in serious envy of that country - their advancement in technology, social systems, and citizens' discipline. If only our government officials were truly honorable and true to their duties... if only we Pinoys were patriotic enough... maybe this land of ours could even be in better state than theirs. We Pinoys show so much potential in intellect, talent, and diskarte. Our land is so rich in every aspect. Sadly, so far, hanggang potential pa rin tayo.

Pero hindi ko pa rin ipagpapalit ang Pinas. Manigas sila sa inggit, ako nakatira sa isang tropical paradise.Maybe this is just the effect of being plucked out of an environment that I've been in my entire life. New sights, new sounds...

What amazes me more is the (general) niceness of the Korean people. One allowed us to take the cab first in a taxi stop even though he and his friends got there first. "You are guests. We take care of our guests," he said.

In Busan, an ajumma gave back my extra 20,000 won after I mistakenly gave her 3 pieces of 10,000won bills to pay for a 3,000won pack of bread (thinking I gave her 3 pcs. of 1,000won bills - I was confused with the number of zeros), and then gave me the change to the 10,000won.

And the food... the food! Hindi sila nagtitipid sa ingredients. My friends and I found Crown Bakery, a bakeshop/cafe in Insa-dong where they serve goodies similar to those of Bread Talk. But you would say "Bread Talk, what?" if you saw their goodies. I had a pizza bread - its bread is almost twice the size of BT's and the topping is sooo thick! They used mozzarella that really forms a string when you bite off it. Isang bread lang, busog na ako. And their prices for their products are just right. Mas mahal pa ang same type of food dito sa Pinas.

Before going to SK, I was excited about the thought/possibility of seeing an actor in one of those novelas, but when I was there all I could do is wonder at the sights and think of immersing in the culture as much as I could with the little time we have there. Walang K-Pop sa utak ko. I enjoyed whatever it is before me, wherever it is I am in.

I highly recommend to anyone visiting SK to go to Busan. That city is just beautiful even in the cold of snow-less winter. Check out exhibit A: Yeongdo Park

Taejongdae Park

you know you're addicted when...

... despite it triggering hot flashes that could almost make you cry, you still drink coffee.

seoul preps III

• reserved rooms at Seoul Backpackers today. I tried to do that thru their website's reservation form yesterday, but I didn't get a reply, so I sent them an e-mail to make sure my request goes thru. Fortunately, I did, because that's only when I got a response from them. I wonder what the point of having an online form if it doesn't work the way it should.

• thinking about going to the mall tomorrow before work and do some canvassing of stuff to buy for the trip. that is if I get up earlier than 9AM tomorrow. it's up to the lazy me.

• still haven't finalized the itinerary - although we don't plan on sticking to a definite course of things to do. it would be a great help to have a list of alternatives of places to go or things to do. it's still winter in Korea, some tourist spots may not be as pleasing to visit as they should in summer or autumn.

seoul preps II

Got my Korean visa.


Now is the time to really buy stuff I need for the trip... such as:

• hiking boots
• traveler adapter (for all those e-gadget charging needs)
• memory cards
• camcorder

... and all other things I think I need but probably won't be able to use.


I'm half-excited, half-scared. It's my first time out of the country, and me and my travel companions are doing it DIY. (The idea of restricted itinerary doesn't appeal to us.) And the first-timer me is doing most of the research and preps for our itinerary.


And we even have the guts to travel by train from Seoul to Busan - and then back to Seoul all within a day.


I hope this trip goes very well as I plan to go back to see Nami Island and the Korean Folk Village by September with my folks.


Goodluck to us.

that bbq feeling

I started having my lupron shots a month ago - that med that's gonna cause me temporary menopause (to stop new cysts from growing in my ovary) for a month, and since I'm in a 6-month program, I get a shot once a month till June.

It's only the second month, and the low level of estrogen is already wreaking havoc in my body, i.e. hot flashes, night sweats, sleeplessness in the night, sleepiness by day, and mood swings. My hot flashes ain't the kind you experience when you blush when you see your crush. It's the kind of feeling you get when you run a marathon and then suddenly stopped on your tracks - it's a burning feeling from the inside. It starts at the back of the neck, or at the upper back, and then spreads (sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly) to the torso and the limbs. Even when inside an airconditioned room, I sweat like I was under the midday sun. Imagine me in the office, fanning myself to cool down while everybody else is donning a jacket. What's crazier is that when I cool down, I cool down to a chill. And then I get goosebumps from the low temperature.

Now I understand why 'occasional crying' is a menopausal symptom - the roller coaster temperature, when it happens in short intervals, is enough to drive you crazy. And frustrated. And irked. So irked, you cry. And then you get the mood swings.

"Now you know how it is to menopause," my doctor told me, "remember that when you get old."

Think about that. All that suffering plus mid-life crisis.

So, to the kid reading this: don't get irritated by your middle-aged mother's fits. (Glad I wasn't when my Mom went through this.) You don't know how it is to be barbecued from the inside every now and then.

skweez!

Arrgh! Feels like all my blood and innards are going opposite directions. My doctor re-adjusted my binder so tight that it makes breathing a bit difficult. As for the benefits, I could easily getup and walk around because it gives the needed support on my lower abdomen. My doctor advised me to not take the binder off for tomorrow's 8-hour travel to my home province. When we get to the province, that's when I can take the binder and the gauze off.

The knot on my stitch was already removed. I was a bit terrified when, while changing the dressing of my wound, the doctor took out a pair of scissors. I wasn't warned for any pain today. I could only imagine the pain I went through more than two decades back, when the stitches on my finger was removed. It felt like being stitched again. But to my relief, this time, only the knot was removed. The thread that was used is absorbable.

Okay, that's all I could type for now. I need to lie down. I'm feeling a tight squeeze around my waist.

here we go

Checked in for the surgery tomorrow. I got to the hospital with my Mom. My Pops will follow after the color-coding for the day lifts at seven.

Overheard folks at the waiting area talking about pre-surgery jitters. "It's gonna be okay, they will give you a shot to calm you down before the operation," one of them told the other.

"I think I'm gonna need that too," I thought.

Although I'm a picture of strength, inside, my heart was staging a mardi gras. "Sheeeeet... they're going to open me up!" I was screaming in my head. Still, I managed to smile and talk confidently to the admission clerk.

When we got to the nurse station, they asked us who the patient is, as both my Mom and I looked okay. I said it was I. And then they asked for my age when they filled out my patient record/form. I said "30," and the nurses gave me a second look. They thought I was much younger, they said. I was flattered, but still scared.

A nurse ushered us to my room. And then I was told that I am no longer allowed to leave the room. So my Mom, went back to the apartment to fetch my Pops. Before they got back, a nurse took my blood pressure, and then a medtech took 5cc of my blood for tests. She had a little difficulty looking for a good vein. It was a painful extraction.

While I was alone, I continued to pray. Up to that time, I couldn't believe that I'm about to go through surgery. I was feeling like I was strapped into a roller coaster with a thousand loops, and there's no going anywhere but through it. Like I was pushed on a slippery slide, I couldn't do anything to stop my fall.

I tried to get my mind of it by reading books.

And then my parents arrived. And then another medtech entered my room and asked to extract another 5cc of my blood, saying the first sample was hemolyzed - about which my mother was wondering (she's a medtech too) because it's too soon for the red blood cells to rupture. The medtech couldn't find the vein on my other arm, so she extracted blood from my left wrist. (Ouch!)

Before 9PM, I had my dinner. I was told to eat a lot.

At 9PM I was given an enema. A few minutes after, I pooped out everything I ate. (Ew.)

I had a hard time sleeping.

seoul preps

I got into a tour sched, with a group of peeps from work, to South Korea. So far, I'm doing all of the preparations for the group's trip: from booking, re-booking... to setting the itinerary.

It would be my first flight, and of course, my first foreign trip. It's just odd for me to think that albeit going with a couple of non-first-time-fliers, I'm the one who's doing all the preps. Maybe I just want to make this trip as hassle-free as possible. That being said, I'm even going back on learning Hangul, the Korean language, because I've learned that street signs in Seoul rarely have English translations. Although I've heard that people in Seoul are very friendly and speak some English, it would help a lot if I would know how to read signs. Anyway, I got time until March (the tour schedule) to learn the language, and I've heard that it's quite easy to learn unlike Nippongo.

As per my last research, and our group's latest agreement, we would spend the 4-day trip as follows:

• Day 1 - Manila to Incheon: get to Seoul and check-in to a hostel immediately. Get a ticket for KTX (bullet train) for a trip to Busan the next day.
• Day 2 - Get up early in the morning and hop on a trip on the KTX to Busan, spend the whole day there, and then get on a KTX trip back to Seoul before nightfall. Go to Namdaemun market for souvenirs.
• Day 3 - Get around Seoul on-foot. Stroll early in the morning at the Cheonggye stream, see the palaces, visit Hongdae (where Coffee Prince is), and go to N Seoul Tower.
• Day 4 - Hop on a train trip back to Incheon, go to Sindo Island to visit the Full House filming location, go back to Incheon airport. Back to Manila.

It would be a fully-packed trip, but we would actually be missing some places that we would like to see like the Korean Folk Village (filming location of "Jewel in the Palace"), and Nami Island (filming location of "Winter Sonata"). If I can have another opportunity next year, I would go back on September to visit these two places in time for autumn. Nami Island would be gorgeous by then.

I'm planning to get my visa this December, and then book the hostel accommodations for the group. Something tells me I make be a good travel agent. :P

I'm even researching the weather, and what clothes do wear on March. :)

surgery schedule

Went to the doctor this afternoon and had my surgery scheduled. It will be on the 7th of December, so I will have to be admitted to the hospital on the 6th. The doctor advised me to eat a lot until 10PM on the day before the surgery. After which, I should go fasting.

I asked a little more questions from the doctor, which got me scared a little bit. For one, she told me that if the cyst would be very difficult to remove, they would have to take the ovary with it. So I'm praying that it won't be the case. And then, she confirmed that the incision would be vertical, like in an appendectomy. Another thing she told me is that they would still have to biopsy the cyst before they could determine whether it is endometrial, if so I would have to have injections for six months to temporarily stop my menstruation.

I went from relaxed to a bit nervous. I'm so worried about the possibilities. And I'm praying and hoping for the best.

So far, my facade is holding up although I feel like cracking inside. I need a lot more prayers. I need to strengthen my faith.